15 years ago, anyone could send PC Gamer magazine text messages. We got some weird ones
Would you pay a quarter to leave a comment on PCGamer.com? Before you scream “no” at me in the comments for the bargain price of free, consider that the PC Gamer magazine readers of yesteryear were Built Different.
Once upon a time, folks were so eager to mail their letters into the magazine that they’d pay for postage, which cost 30-50 pence per second class stamp in the UK circa 2010. Or they’d instead send the PC Gamer staff a text, at the cost of 25 pence “plus your standard network charge” for the 160 characters allowed in a single SMS message. Brevity’s the soul of wit and all that, right?
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Wes Fenlon
From the archives: These letters were originally published between issues 193 and 239 of PC Gamer magazine (UK, 2008-2012).
I’ve been diving into the back issues of PC Gamer magazine looking for fun relics of the past to dust off and republish online. Sure, we wrote endless previews, features, and reviews, but only you, the readers, could fill the pages of the letters section. At considerable cost, apparently, based on SMS messaging rates circa 2010!
By the way: We’re doing letters in the magazine again! Write in and you could see your name in print.
“Spk Ur Mnd”
I’m one of the 15 million people who are on Steam and I can’t help noticing that there is a large lack of games. My favourite games are Blizzard ones such as World of Warcraft, Starcraft and Diablo 2 and I would love if these games were on Steam. – Eoghan O’Connell
We think Valve, too, would love to have WoW on Steam. But Blizzard have their own digital distribution and patching system, and they’re not about to let the fact that it sucks persuade them to change. PCG
Bloody hell… – Simon
Quite. PCG
Congratulations to you as we bring to your notice result online email lottery. Here are your winning numbers: 52-6-39-15-36-1 – Mrs Saffira Musantu (Lottery Group Coordinator)
Thanks! We’ll have our 2 million Euros in cash then, please. PCG
Once again, congratulations from all our staffs on your consolation prize winning. Regards. – Mrs Saffira Musantu (Lottery Group Coordinator)
Where’s our bloody money, then? PCG
They say PC gaming is dead or dying. – Aaron Whitehead
They’re not sure? PCG
Santa if you are there, next year I want you to kill every single member of SecureROM, destroy its headquarters and steal the money from their bank accounts. – Aaron Whitehead
Oddly enough, we’ve been wanting to kill Santa ever since he started doing those bloody Coke adverts. PCG
Anyone have 30 spare bottles of Nuka-Cola Quantum? – Martster123
Anyone? PCG
If there’s one thing we can all agree on it would be that 80% of games’ writing is toxic to the human physiology. If I see another hardcore marine with a dark past who, goddammit, just won’t play by the rules, then I’m gonna make someone pay. – Thomas Mayo
What dark thing happened in your past to make you this way? PCG
Share your photos with Windows Live Photos – Free Try it Now! – Alex Overton
Oh yes! A more complex and less popular version of Flickr! Ace. PCG
For this abomination against the laws of thy universe, thy magazine muste pay a toll. – Anonymous
It feels like we already are. PCG
Issue 198, p81 – the snipurl’s are either deleted or private so I can’t access any of them (Evacuation was the primary one I am after)… Is it a typo or have snipurl actually removed them for some bizarre reason? – Alex Branson
They work just fine for us… no typos or removals we can find. Try the link again. If you still have no luck, go straight to www.foddy.net/Evacuation.html PCG
Worms Armageddon is so wormalicous, I better geddon playing.
Yipee! Worm out. – Si Ripe
wormalicious, adj. As pleasant-tasting as an annelid of the order Haplotaxida, such as the common Earthworm. Archaic.
Since the end of HL2 Ep2 I’ve been so eager to play the next instalment. Do you have any inside info? – Bryan powell
Yes.
(A haiku for you!) TF2 now trades, Crates now clog inventory Alas have no keys – PhoenixDK
Less of this sort of thing.
I Am Jane Shepard. I am the Butcher of Torfan. I am Humanity’s image. I am the First Human Spectre. I am the Saviour of the Citadel. Saviour of the council. Killer of Geth. Destroyer of Saran. Destroyer of Sovereign. One Thing I am God-Damn not is Cerberus’ Bitch! – Jane Shepard
This goes on for another 900 terrifying words. Please stay away from us.
It’s time for Captain Fizz Meets the Blaster-Trons? Time to dust off my A500! – BiggieD
Pffft. Console gamers probably don’t know what that means. We do, though. Obviously.
Which would you prefer to have ported to PC, Metal Gear Solid or Uncharted? – Soteris Zannettou
Imagine the mod community that’d spring up around a Metal Gear game on PC. Those are some passionate crazies.
There clearly aren’t enough pseudonyms in your publication. – Lee Thaxor
You don’t really believe we have a writer called ‘Graham Smith,’ do you? Come come, Thaxor.
IDEA! SPORE combined with POKEMON!!! – ShaunRattue
“Penis-chu, I choose you!” Yeah. There’s a flaw in this plan. It’s called ‘The Other People On The Internet’. (Also us.)
I remember reading about Duke Nukem Forever in PC Gamer back in ’97… Now it’s finally here! – Andreas Blixt
Yeah. Never mind, eh? On the plus side, Cleve Blakemore’s Grimoire has been on the go since 1998 and is due out ‘soon’. Maybe that’ll compensate. [Grimoire didn’t come out for another six years. – Wes]
Dear sirs. I wish to complain in the strongest possible sense about this year’s Top 100. (GAME) is clearly more deserving than (OTHER GAME) and I feel PERSONALLY BETRAYED that you would think otherwise. I hereby rescind your membership in the human race and hope you drown in monkey faeces. P.S. I am too busy playing Skyrim to have read any of it yet. Please fill in the blanks yourself and feel properly chastised. Ta. – Julian Adams
Hey, if you think Bikini Karate Babes is more deserving than Team Fortress 2, who are we to argue? Everyone, grab your Tipp-Ex and make the necessary corrections to issue 236. Or, indeed, don’t.
Everyone’s complaining about the recent trailers using something called ‘dubstep’. Maybe I’m just not cool, but what is dubstep? Is it the sound of someone tripping over their front door, falling into a shrub, and not being able to talk properly at A&E? – Francis Abbott
Dubstep is listening to a ZX Spectrum struggling to load a game, through a phone, while standing too close to a speaker, with someone next to you kicking a bin into scrap metal. Or so we are reliably informed by listening to far too many examples of it recently.
They say the best things in life are free, so how do you explain Hellgate: London? – Graeme Worth
They say the devil has all the best tunes. They never said anything about games.
I want to eat Uwe Boll. What kind of sauce goes best with film director? – Anonymous Cannibal
White wine, definitely.
“Txt Ur Review”
Our request to readers: Send us your reviews in 20 words or less – text, email or Twitter.
Remember to add the game’s name, a score and your name.
Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning – 88%
A banner flaps in the wind. Thud. It holds firm. Thud. The gates smash open.
They swarm in! It’s WAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!
88% – Patrick Low
Sims 2
A lucky few games can be described as masterpieces, and Sims 2 isn’t one of them.
35% – Peter Kelly
Diablo 2
Click on progressively more difficult enemies until they fall down.
75% – Chris Rowland
Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction
The enemies are slightly more difficult.
76% – Chris Rowland
Fallout: New Vegas
More gambling! More music! More cactus!
More glitches! How do you play caravan?
80% – Alexander Johnson
The Ball
Its got balls. Big balls.
78% – mrlargefoo
Poker Night at the Inventory
Shows an appreciation for the game on the level of that of shellfish for linear algebra.
(3x + 4y)/z% – Hexapodium
Dragon Age: Origins
How much free time does this game think I have?
89% – Richard Mault
Homefront
The love child of Call of Duty and Battlefield that was dropped as a baby. He’s short, ugly and no one likes him.
45% – Krazllvan
Total War: Shogun 2
Finally, an excuse to wear a dressing gown and chase down peasants with cavalry.
96% – Jonty the Irke
World of Tanks
I’m a can of death! Ooh, bad guy… steady, aim…
BOOM! Huh, dead? Ah – artillery. Bigger tree to hide in!
84% – Notquiteallhere
Crysis 2
If Crysis was a tech demo with wheels, then Crysis 2 is a scooter (the kind with no engine that’s like a skateboard)
75% – Unacomm
Assassin’s Creed – Brotherhood
I’d let Ezio stab me in the back with his hidden blades any day.
93% – Aaronton
Zork: Grand Inquisitor
Batshit insane and wonderful.
80% – Delixe\
D&D: Daggerdale
A lot like Torchlight, but bad. Orgasmic Dwarf grunting doesn’t help.
35% – Ghostwoods
L.A. Noire
Nice faces, shame about everything else.
60% – Badbonobo
